Seriously guys, how complicated you think we are? We have been residing in this universe for gazillion years and by now you should have understand us. We haven't change a bit. Okay, we wear nicer clothes now (instead of wearing leaves that cover our private parts, even though we know you guys love that very much). There is nothing complicated in the gender itself. It's the attitude that complicates everything. God creates male and female so differently and yet we complement each other very much.

So i'm going to give you guys a simple instruction on how to handle us, WOMEN.

1. When we say 'Nothing' it actually means something. (pay attention to the voice tone)

Or it simply means 'you should realized what you have done'. So, before you ask her, think. Think very hard. Try to recall all the stupid things you did including ones you commit behind her. Trust us, we have this magical thing called 'intuition'. Once it all comes back to you, apologize. Or explain. If you genuinely have no single idea why she put up that sour face, you may ask her. If she expects you to be mind reader, tell her straight that you don't know what's wrong. It might be some misunderstanding.

2. Baby, do i look fat in this?

Don't fall into this trap. We don't want your honest opinion. We only need to whine and hear you compliment us. Women need this constant assurance that she still sexy and pretty to you and that you still love her. So the standard answer you guys should give is "what fat? you are not fat baby. you look sexy and beautiful to me". If she says you are lying, (we simply say that just to reconfirm), say "why would i wanna lie to you about that honey?". Remember, physical appearance is a sensitive issue.

3. Do not ogle other women, you perv!

Even if our eyes are looking into completely different direction from yours, we know what's happening. We saw you ogling that chick in skimpy dress, you didn't even blink for fear that she might disappear. I find it funny when you men tell your gf not to wear sexy clothing or make up because you don't like how other guys checking her out when you yourself is checking out other chicks.

4. Do not skimp on compliments.

Come on now..is it so hard for you to compliment your gf? Tell her she looks pretty or sexy. Women like it if you pay attention on small details. Instead of calling her pretty, you could tell her that her hair is nice or you find her chin cute or her shoulder is sexy. Please, do not compliment other girls in front of her. Especially when she knows how you dig girls with fair skin and it happens that she is more to brown shade and you absent mindedly say "wow, that girl is so fair..so sexy". Do you know how hurtful it is to hear that? We can't simply change our skin color.

5. What took us so long to get ready?

It is our nature to look prim and proper. We are taking that 1 to 2 hours to get ready just to look nice for you (and later, we didn't even get a single compliment?). It is an effort we put and you guys should appreciate it. Make up is an art and you can't rush it. Usually, we girls know how long we take to get ready. So, if you plan to pick us up at 8pm, we will start pimping ourselves at 6pm. Problem arise when you guys give short notice and your gf is a vainpot.

6. PMS is not a made up excuse.

There's one reason why God let us having period instead of you men, the stronger and macho-er sex.  You guys can't handle this shit. There are 2 stages of menstrual. Pre-menstrual (PMS) and during the  menstrual itself. Few days before mense, our hormones goes berserk. We get extra sensitive, cranky and we act like a bitch. At this stage, we even hate ourselves and you guys can be a great help by being careful with your choice of words as not to piss us off. Then, during the menstrual, our breasts are swollen and sore, some of us get back ache, and most of us will get abdominal cramp. During this stage, we get cranky because of the pain, not the hormones anymore. I used to go out with a guy who let me win all the arguments and keep quiet if i nag whenever it's that time of the month. It turns out he actually keeping tab of my period. So when i told him i got my period, his reply was "yeah i saw that coming. You've been acting weird, sebab tu lah i malas nak layan sangat" ( ^_^ )

7. If we get really angry, try not to be a smart ass.

Do not add salt to the wound or petrol to the fire or whatever metaphor there is. You just going to create another/a whole new argument. If your gf is pissed, let her vent her anger and give her some time to cool off. Chances are, she will feel bad about it and make it up to you. Or she will discuss about it when she's  ok. Women are emotional creatures. They always let their heart leads before their brain. By keeping quiet doesn't mean you are lesser of a man. It means you are wiser. It's all psychology. Eventually she will  realize how bitchy she has been and how patience you are with her,hence the guilty feeling. 

8. We do not enjoy nagging.

Contrary to your belief, we hate nagging as much as you do. It takes up our energy (which could  chanelled into something more useful like cleaning the house or shopping) and drains us emotinally. If  you guys know how to pick up your dirty undies or leave the toilet seat down (in my case, it's up) or help out with house chores or having a common sense when we ask you to buy something (e.g: we asked you to buy kangkung but since the kangkung finished, u come home empty handed. Buy the sawi  instead lah! Or better yet, call us first), then we wouldn't be nagging at you.

9. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness.

A bit of jealousy is good. It's a sign that the person loves you. But excessive jealousy could lead to stress in the relationship. Some women (men too) were born with this trait. But some (like me) are not. In fact, my ex accused me of not loving him enough because i hardly feel jealous. Well, the thing is, i don't feel jealous because he did not ogle other girls when he's with me, he stopped contacting his ex when he starts dating me and he did nothing that could lead to jealousy. He put me above his friends. He's the epitome of a perfect bf, if your life revolves around him. Too bad, mine is not. So, what i'm trying to say is, jealousy comes from the way you responding to other girls. If you are flirtatious, still going out with your ex and always have nice things to say about her, you can't blame your gf for being jealous and possessive.

10. Remember important dates.

Okay, we know it is impossible for you to remember everything. But seriously, you can't remember our  birth date? That's messed up dude. Oh don't give me shit about 'i dont even remember my mum's birthday, so what makes you think i'm going to remember yours?'. I heard that before and you know what i think? Bullshit. Get this, i have 8 siblings, i remember only few birthdays, i always confused if my mum was born  in February or March BUT i always remember my bf's birthday. We are very particular when it comes to  this. We could forgive you if you forgot the anniversary date. But birthday is a no-no. So what you going  to do now is, save the anniversary date in the reminder. All mobile phones (incl Nokia 3310) are equipped with this application.No more excuse.